One step at a time...

This week has been a terrifying week and so will the next few weeks. I would love to say the opposite but I have to admit that I am terrified by what's to come. Next week we have exams on Tues, Wed, Thurs, and Fri - that covers all our practicals. Then we have 3 days before our Mini 3, which is on the following Tuesday. Then one week after that we have our cumulative finals on Tue, Wed, and Thurs - these will cover all our materials since the first day of semester one. In total, that is 8 exams in just around 2 weeks. For once I am actually somewhat discouraged and feeling inadequate in every single way. I am tired and I just want to sleep all day. I have bags under my eyes and I am not taking care of myself like I used to back home. I don't want to have to think about studying even in my dreams. I want to goto movies, goto the beach, and hang out with my friends. I want to see my parents and play with my cat. I want to get back to training for marathons and be my active self. I want to be stress-free and happy. Medical school is hell times 10 and the sacrifices you have to make are endless. I want to give up. Yet, I am fully aware that there is no way I will be happy with my life if I don't pursue medicine. I hate that I am fascinated by medicine. Oh boy... back to studying!

Football

Our school's football teams had their finals today. The women's team - Powder Puff - totally rocked the game. It was so intense that even someone who doesn't know anything about football (such as me) found it empowering and fascinating. I am considering playing some kind of team sport next semester. But if anything, it will probably be soccer and not football. All in all, I still think football is a bit too violent for me, and slightly terrifying. Some girls are serious about the game and quite competitive. However, it was great. The girls from our semester totally dominated the game - the final score was 26:6.

The interesting part of the day is before the game, however. I sang the Canadian anthem for the teams. Strange, I know - because I never like singing in front of big crowds. It makes me nervous. And it did today as well! But I had to represent Canada because we are the minority here and our club president could not find anyone else to sing the anthem. So it was me... Fortunately it went smoothly. But I was so nervous that I almost forgot to breathe! Thank goodness the Canadian anthem is short, unlike the American one. The girl before me sang the American anthem and she had a beautiful voice - hence why I was nervous! But a lot of my friends came to encourage me and that was very heartwarming :) I feel so lucky.

And now it's back to studying. 30 days till I go home and get cozy with family and friends in cold, rainy, yet familiar Vancouver.

The stars are always bright no matter what!

There was a meteor shower last night, or perhaps I should say early this morning at around 4:00am. But I was told that it was going to happen at 1:00am - so I studied till 2am but saw nothing. Then my body just made me goto bed instead. Anyhow, it's been a while since I wrote here! School has been keeping me nice and busy, more or less. However, last Saturday I did have a really great experience to share with y'all.

The Neuroscience Club had their regular health clinic in Rosseau. Since I didn't sign up for it last semester due to fear of not having enough time to study, I made sure (with the 'convincing' of my friends) that I sign up for this one. I just needed to do something else other than studying. Basically all the volunteers who signed up for this clinic were going to help out at the free health fair for the locals. The bus ride was rough - it took about 50 minutes but it felt like 2 hrs and my stomach was getting upset from all the bumps and turns. But the clinic experience made it all worthwhile. I checked blood pressure, blood glucose, and explained exam results to the locals who came. Okay, I won't bore you guys with the details... There is one incidence though that I have to tell you! I was at the blood pressure desk and two ladies came over with their little kids. One boy really wanted me to take his blood pressure but we were not prepared for children so I only had an adult-sized cuff. Just as I was feeling disappointed a friend took out a cuff for kids from his bag! Oh how excited we were, especially the little boy. I got the cuff on him and explained to him what I was going to do. Then when I started pumping, the needle on the pressure guage did not move at all! It was broken...We couldn't take the boy's pressure after all. The ladies smiled and said it was alright and they left. But two minutes later they were back and the mother said his son would not leave without having his blood pressure taken. She gave me a wink and I knew exactly what she meant... so I took the kids pressure cuff, put on his tiny arm and explained to him the procedure again and took his 'blood pressure'. It was great to see him smile and leave the building happily. When I came back home I could not forget about how such a small gesture made such a big difference :)

Well, now after all that fun is over it is back to studying. Awesome...

You know you are a medical student when...

...you say you are going to eat just to get it over with. (the exact words from a fellow med student)
Our Mini II was rough, a solid reminder of Mini III in first semester. The grades came out today and I regretted checking them right after I did so. Biochemistry was my worst grade, AGAIN, even though I always study the hardest for this subject. Sigh... sometimes you are just left speechless by the unexpected, undesirable outcomes. Effort in vain? Sometimes it feels like that. A professor apparently wrote part of the exam even though he did not teach any part of it for this mini - the reason why some unfamiliar questions were on the exam. The MPS was really low for Physiology (58) and Anatomy (55). In the case of Anatomy, where 55 is the absolute lower range for MPS, it means that as a class we did terrible. But I don't think we are stupid? Maybe that tells us something about the exam itself... A lot of students were dreading the grades update. I saw lots of frowning, sighing, and head shaking since the scores were posted. These Mini's can make or break you in a way - there is a cumulative final at the end of this semester covering all the materials of Semester 1 and 2. A lot of us are banking on doing well on the Mini's to cushion the potential 'fall' on the final exam. But looks like that hope is nearly shattered for many students.

Now there are positive things to talk about here. Don't let my med school rant fool you! Since this week has been somewhat light, a couple of friends and I went to a local restaurant called Riverside... because it's located by a river, literally! It's got really good food but overpriced (like the rest of Dominican restaurants and grocery stores). I had a grilled chicken sandwich with a salad on the side. Yum! However, tomorrow I am finally resuming my Saturday market routine so I can have my Blue Marlin again. We chatted as we ate about how easy it is to lose yourself and everything that's important to you in your 'previous' life in all the studying here. And we try to make sure that doesn't happen. I can't begin to tell you how many students here - who are smarter than smart folks can ever be - are socially inept and completely lack empathy! It is still shocking to me, as I am usually sensitive to others' emotions and can pick them up relatively quickly. I do admire how smart some of those people are, but I hope they get better at picking up emotions - for patients' sake.

It's 10pm here and there is a Splash Bash party going on. Many friends of mine went. I didn't go because this week is my relaxing week... even though I have been sleeping 8 hrs a night for the past 4 nights. It is amazing how one full 8hr sleep after sleep deprivation makes you realize how exhausted you are. I couldn't drag myself out of bed this week at all without effort. But today I felt great and I am back to the grind! Med school... I am going to show you what I am made of! Definitely not Tofu ;)

Everybody loves Kung Fu fighting!

Ah, a day of no pressing deadlines. Post-mini relaxation, simple as that. After the exam yesterday I cleaned up my room and spend the evening at my friends Andra and Yasmin's apartment. It was quite relaxing. We talked (not about the exam), made guacamole, cooked pasta, and laughed so much! Andra and I both just wanted to stay in and have a quiet night but Yasmin wanted to go out - I suppose the existence of 4 different Halloween parties nearby was a big enough temptation for someone who was not feeling as exhausted as I was. We were helping her trying to come up with a costume idea - but it was difficult due to lack of resources on this island (especially at 9:00pm). But suddenly the idea of Kung Fu panda came up when Yas walked by with an elastic hairband around her head. It was a brilliant idea. I painted her face and in the end she looked adorable with her outfit on! Some of my guy friends dressed up as girls and one of them dressed up as a 'mediasiter'... of course only Ross students would know the humor behind that. Anyhow, we did not forget about Halloween even though we are far away from home.

This morning, despite the absence of an alarm clock, I still woke up at 5:00am. But I forced myself to sleep more. Didn't work hahaha... oh dear. Well I think after checking my email I will head back for a nap. Today is Independence Day in Dominica as well and most stores are closed. However, their festivities started in early September - can you believe that? Dominican people sure know how to party! :)

Time flies here - when all you do is study. That is in some ways really nice because I can't wait to see my friends and family back home. I also miss Chai latte, Kimchi, and the Futomaki rolls... the mere thought of them makes me drool. This Saturday I need to goto the market and fill up my fridge again. Since last week my fridge has been quite empty because I was hermitting for the exam - did not have the mind or the energy to goto the market. But that shall be fixed this weekend. And I will be cooking again!

Well I hope everyone is doing really well. Work hard, play hard.

If I could turn back time...

It's been crazy for the past 2 weeks (or more?). Actually, when is it NOT crazy here? Mini 2 is in 4 days and this one is hurting already... DPS is not on this Mini yet we have never had so much material to study for. Speaking of cramming, I wish I refined that skill to perfection in undergrad hahaha. Oh well. Three nights ago we had a thunder storm at around 1:00am. It was so loud that my house was shaking. The lightning would light up the room completely that for a second it felt like daylight. I was quite terrified by the loud noise, worsened by the fact that I was by myself without Miho to cuddle with me. To calm myself down I just got up and put on some jazz music and cranked it up loud enough to drown out some of the thundering. Then I studied till 5:00am and passed out. Yeah this week has been rough.

Yet, my heart always gets lifted by the rainbow after the storm. Dominica has some big bright rainbows. Here is a photo to share with y'all (taken through my dirty window), though it looked more beautiful and breathtaking in real life.

Two more students in my class went home this week and last. They decided that this path wasn't for them. I don't know about the details but this doesn't surprise me anymore. People come, people go. Medical school is not easy and certainly isn't for everyone. Confession: I have actually wondered this past week why oh why did I so eagerly get myself into this big mess hahaha. However, I am not doubting that medicine is what I wanna pursue. I just whine sometimes about how difficult it is... Despite all the challenges, late-night Monsters, and power naps, I still enjoy it - but it definitely is a love-hate relationship.

I have significantly cut down on my gym time for the last few weeks (once a week only!). Sigh... that I still need to work on. Balance balance balance. If only it is as easy as spelling out this 7-letter word. Ok back to studying... can't wait for my full 8-hr sleep on Monday night. Hope everyone is doing well :)

Chill pill?

I am looking for my chill pills. Perhaps I ran out? Right now they would come in handy when you are facing something like 40 diseases and what feels like 100 enzyme deficiencies to learn for ONE subject in the next 10 days. Oh biochemistry... What have I done to you that you must torture me like this?

Haven't posted for a while - simply couldn't find time. When I did have time I wanted to sleep because I have been so deprived of it haha... medical school... only for those who are crazy. Biochemistry actually is very interesting and I am liking every bit of it. We learned about disorders in Heme metabolism, Purine/Pyrimidine metabolism, and Amino Acid metabolism - a lot of manifestations that we see in those patients are starting to make sense to me! But then... I get sad when I look at the long list of diseases and their causes that I have to memorize... yeeeesh.

We also started renal physiology today. That wasn't bad either. But I must force myself to get off the computer and go study now... Will write more soon! Hope everyone is doing well :)

ps. That is my kitty Miho in the photo. Isn't he handsome?

Hirschsprung

Hirschsprung's disease is due to the lack of Auerbach's plexus in between the two muscle layers of muscularis externae in the bowel wall. It is also referred to as congenital megacolon. Some regions of the large intestine are permanently contracted due to the absence of relaxation signals from the parasympathetic ganglia, forming dilatations upstream of the contraction. This disrupts the normal pattern of peristalsis.

Anyhow, school has been going well. Very interesting material yet a LOT of work. I am slaving away everyday at the books but happily doing so. My Mini I went really well, to my surprise. I actually got better grades than I did in Semester I! Oh boy... of course I am not complaining. Just working away for the next exam this Friday.

My partner that was TA-ing with me officially quit. I told the students that I am willing to do TA sessions for them still if they need me - just need to send me an email in advance. Then earlier this week I received some emails in my inbox requesting for TA sessions. And that is scheduled for today in 2 hours. I really enjoy tutoring and I am so happy about all the positive feedback I have been getting from the students! That is what I wanted - not so much the positive feedback but the fact that I am helping them understand the course material and making their lives easier in med school. It is an amazing feeling that is hard to explain.

Anyhow I'd better get some of my own work done and then go wake myself up some more... Love to everyone! Enjoy life 'cause it is great from just about every angle.

The relief that follows.

Mini one is over. A friend made a very interesting comment today. He stated that he still does not understand why the school refers to the exams as Mini exams when they drain you inside out and cause you so much stress and exhaustion that Monster becomes your favourite beverage. The answer? No one knows. Perhaps these exams need another name.

To recap, last week I did go full speed studying for this Mini and it felt like I was studying for a final. Last night I went to bed at 10pm, making sure that I got enough sleep before walking into the exam hall. But before I closed my eyes I thought about how I still felt as if I didn't know a lot of material well enough. Wish there was more time... if only... if only. Oh well. My brain and my body were tired.

This morning I woke up at 0530am. Quickly reviewed some high yield points and ate breakfast. Making sure I stay calm and relaxed has always been my priority on the exam day, even the week before the exam. High anxiety level shuts down my system and I don't learn anything when that happens. This semester is a big challenge with the amount of information but if stress can be channeled elsewhere I think I should be alright.

The exam started at 0800am today. Quite early compared to last semester - always at 1300pm. Anyhow, the exam was mostly fair, but it was TRICKY. Oh my goodness was it ever! The basic concepts were taught to us but I was thrown off by the way many questions were stated, especially in Physiology and Neuroscience. Most of the questions required backward thinking - aka. diagnosing. And that is a completely new way of thinking for me in terms of academics. I have always been learning the forward way, which is how we were taught. Even the practice questions were not entirely 'backward'. I feel that this exam is a hit or miss. Gotta wait for the grades to come out now. In the mean time I am gonna catch up on some Anatomy that I did not get to really study for this mini - just to make sure I do really well on the practical exam in 2 weeks! No big breaks. Always moving forward :)

This week we'll learn about the GI system. Looking forward to it!!

Brains cut sideways.

I am giving myself 5 mins to write something on this blog before my mind gets filled with cranial nerves and steroid hormones again. The library is full with students - everyone's faces are hidden behind either laptops or stacks of papers. Finally I have calmed down after an hour of gym time this morning. Up till last nite the stress had taken over my mind and body and I could not get rid of the anxiety I was feeling every second. So much to do, so little time. But the workout this morning had helped. I am not exactly relaxed but I am no longer anxious. Tonite I am going to try to finish up Neuro as we have a practical exam tomorrow. Then after the practical I will go full-speed for the Mini exam on Monday! I will just do my best... and try not think about how much I have to learn in the next 3 days. Sometimes I think those who attend medical schools are truly crazy. And of course, I am one of them. Gotta get back to studying now. Will update everyone after my exams! :)


ps. You can always tell from my pictures whether exams are approaching! Awesome...