What do I do with all this free time??

So the dreadful Step 1 is over. Well it was over on Thursday. I spent this amazing past weekend enjoying the city with great food and company. Today is sunny. And for the first time since a long time ago I am standing in the sunshine soaking it all in, letting the warm feeling flow through me. I can't stop smiling. Work hard and play hard. It is pure, beautiful magic.

Thanks to all the friends, family, and fellow medical students who sent me words of encouragement when I was feeling scared, anxious, nervous. With your support I made it over another obstacle, even though it is only one of the many to come. But you know, I am not scared. I know I have it in me. And I know you have it in you. Also we have one another. What is there to be scared of? Strength is a form of energy and it definitely transforms depending on the temperature of the situation. But it will always be strength.

I am still a bit antsy, knowing that my score is still yet to come out. But I am not going to hold back and prevent myself from enjoying my much-deserved free time! Yes, I am a med student and I put myself through what may seem like unreasonable torture. But the reason behind my behaviour comes through once in a while. It is the ultimate release that keeps me pushing my limits. And I love it.

No regrets.

3 more days

Monday, cloudy with showers. But I feel calm. This could be the calm before the storm but for now I am at complete ease. Gonna try to just go over some of my weaker areas between now and, well, wednesday. And will be taking Wednesday off before I do the exam on Thursday.

I don't feel completely ready for this exam. But I don't think I had ever felt entirely ready for any exams in my life. However, I feel that I have done all the studying I could so far and my brain is starting to get tired. That is how I know it's time for me to do the exam.

Will go running later today to keep my mind relaxed and fresh :) Have a good Monday everyone!

11 More Days!

Alright, alright... this countdown is a bit too fast! At least that is what it feels like to me. On one hand I am excited that I will be ending my miserable mad studying for a few weeks... on the other? Well, ask the nerves. I spoke with a friend who just took her Step 1 a few days ago. Talk about envy! I was feeling it... hahaha I just want this OVER with. But of course, I still need to do well. This is an exam that you can't just say 'I don't care' to.

I am consciously suppressing my thoughts that involuntarily drift towards holiday planning... Yeah, there will be so much free time after I finish this exam and I will be having my vacation while everyone else is working! Even though it's not summer I think I will be on cloud nine.

Lately I have been just going over blocks and blocks of questions since I have finished reading the texts. Lots to learn it feels like... never enough time. What is new?? Hahaha the typical medical student mentality. Anyhow, gotta rest and continue tmr! Good nite world.

Still alive...

I feel like I disappeared for a little bit. But I'm back. There are 20 days left till my Step 1 exam. I hope I will feel ready by the time it comes - trying not to push it back based on my pre-exam anxiety.

Studying has been really slow. Some sections like Neurology takes SO LONG for me to absorb. I ended up not going to the library because I am too lazy to travel. So since day 1 I have been studying at home, and it has been working out great. Lots of things have happened since - the good, the bad, the fear, the excitement. But you know what? You just gotta roll with it. No one promised that it is going to be a smooth ride. As long as you focus on your goal and deal with the curveballs thrown at ya, a little bump here and there makes things more fun :)

I have some friends who had to retake the Comp recently. And I admire them so much for trying again! That is true courage, regardless of the results. Compared to them I feel like I could learn to be stronger sometimes. Getting through medical school is a tough job. It is an unpaid full-time job with lots of over-time, still unpaid. Some may say otherwise. But for a person like me - average intelligence, average endurance, addicted to sleeping - I find it challenging. Yet, these challenges are what I live for. I am ok with not being the top of my class. I am ok with the extra hours I have to put in just to get a decent grade. If someone asks me whether they should goto med school, I will still say yes - but I will suggest that they first find ways to reaffirm their passion.

Lately through talking to some friends from time to time, I realized that what makes or breaks you is (for the most part) decided by you. We have the upper hand in most situations but we don't always see that. Maybe that is when good friends come in handy as they become the reflection of your inner strength. Yes, you need to see it again. Over and over.

Keep on moving. Because we are all in this together.

More things I learned...

1. Mittelschmerz is an actual word. It means 'ovulatory pain'. Occurs in a small portion of women of reproductive age. Basically the follicle containing the ovum ruptures (ovulation) and releases some blood, which ends up irritating the peritoneum. In some women this causes pain and could look like she is having an acute appendicitis.

2. If you keep your neck submerged in water, such as sitting in the deep end of kids pool - after a few minutes you'll get the urge to pee. That is due to the effect of stimulation of the carotid body, which with an unknown mechanism increase release of ANP (atrial natriuretic peptide). ANP increases Na+ loss through urine, thereby increasing urine output. You may feel too guilty to pee in the pool, but the kids won't...

3. If a patient has low blood sugar, check serum level of c-peptide. If c-peptide is high, you know the patient probably has an insulinoma (tumor of beta-cells of pancreas). If c-peptide is low, well, the patient has been stabbing him/herself with insulin needles too often!! The latter is called a factitious disorder, where the patient is conscious of his/her doing, but without a particular motive.

4. Atkin's diet. I'm sure we've all heard of it. It's based on the idea that fat cells can't absorb fat on their own. They need glucose (carbohydrate). So if you eat a lot of meat without any carbohydrate then all of the fat eaten is not absorbed. But come on.... carbohydrate tastes so good!! Think about all those freshly baked loaves of bread...

Happy Monday! :)

Some things I learned today...

When you get bored, think of the following...

1. Next time someone has garlic breath, a fun thought is that they are suffering from Arsenic poisoning (stomach pain, vomiting, delirium). Antidote is Dimercaprol to remove Arsenic from inactivated enzymes.

2. Thiopental is used in induction of anesthesia due to its short-acting nature. It's rapid plasma decay is due to redistribution into skeletal muscle and fat, NOT due to metabolism (although hepatic metabolism is required for it to be eliminated from body).

3. If someone stinks after sweating, it's because his or her skin bacteria are doing a very good job (and perhaps he or she needs to shower soon). Apocrine glands secrete vesicles of 'sweat' into hair follicles. But this usually has no odor. Odor comes from bacterial activity on skin surface!

4. 'Water-balloon' testes are due to serous peritoneal fluid flowing into and collecting in tunica vaginalis.

5. If you poke someone's perianal area with a pin and do not see a reflexive sphincter contraction, they might have Saddle Anesthesia. This is often caused by Cauda equina syndrome where a ruptured disc or a space-occupying lesion compresses the cauda equina.

Back to studying!!

Happy new year!

Once again, I don't know how this year just flew by... Med school keeps pulling wool over my eyes and clouding my initially 20/20 vision haha... All is good though. I'm sure that by tomorrow night I will have finished reviewing the materials entirely for the first time (phew). Of course it needs to be repeated, preferably more than once. I have been doing UWorld questions and find them to be somewhat difficult. Lots of thinking and integrating are required! But I'm definitely learning a lot from those questions. The only thing is that I am moving slower than I had hoped to. Unfortunately I can't rush myself to be any faster - my brain only processes at this cursed speed... sigh.

There are 10 more minutes till Jan 1st of 2011. I spent (most of) today studying. Only took a few hours off to eat dinner with family and to bond with my guitar :) I love learning to play the acoustic. Just wish I had more time for it. Hahah.. so many wishes!!

Many of my friends are celebrating tonite on this special NYE. And I truly wish I could be there. But I have to set my priority straight this time. Just 40 more days and it'll be show time. I gotta be ready :) To all my buddies out there who are getting crazy tonite - ENJOY (extra for me)! For the other med students slaving away like I am, keep going because we are almost there!

And happy 2011 - only 2 more years till we get the golden license.

Need some juice...

Does anyone know where brain juices are sold? I prefer the kinds with super high IQ levels. It's been 2.5 weeks of studying for the Step and I'm finding it a bit exhausting. While I do feel that my brain is enlarging in weird areas as I study away, I find myself often fantasizing about sleeping in and not having to wake up till noon.... Kinda pathetic, huh.

Vancouver has been extremely rainy, cloudy, and cold (winter?). Perhaps that helps to keep me home at my desk chewing away at the endless information I need to shove into my skull. I really do wish I had a photographic memory of some sort. Why was I not born with that awesome genetic mutation??? ;) Don't worry... I am happy with how I was born. Certain things can not be changed, such as how many noses you have (and I only have one).

I'm starting to notice that Endocrinology is not my strength at all. I guess you could group some Physiology in it too. Some concepts take me forever to think through and memorize. Then, what happens? I forget in a few hours.... UGH!! I wonder if it is this frustrating for anyone else who is studying for a board exam. Alright, I think I shall look over some flashcards and goto bed.

Good night everyone! Hope you don't get insomnia... :)

Step 1... quite literally..

It's been 1.5wk since I arrived home in Vancouver. And it's been 5 days of studying, according to my scheduled plan, for USMLE Step 1. So far so good. What I find is that I actually am able to study at home, for now anyway, contrary to my previous belief. The biggest bonus of studying at home is the fact that I don't have to properly dress myself everyday or fix my crazy bed-hair in order to present myself in public. Hooray for the bum life! Another awesome benefit is that I could get up and move around or stretch or dance around the house whenever my butt hurts (from long-term sitting). This definitely would not be as convenient if I was in a public library - disturbance is not tolerated in those places! Of course, I can't forget to mention how wonderful it is being able to see my parents and my kitty Miho :)

I have been maintaining my gym time, although it has been reduced to 3 times a week only. It works like magic - those crazy endorphins are my friends! Before I started my Step prep, I asked for advice from many friends/students who have already taken the Step 1 exam. I wanted to know how they pulled themselves through the 2 months (minimal) of mental brutality. And a consensus was to always include a stress relief into the study plan. However, I can't seem to be as 'stick-to-the-plan' as some when it comes to exercise. Some students goto the gym everyday at 6pm, for example. I can't do that... haha too lazy on some days! So I try to listen to my body and brain as much as I can. When my brain farts, I know it's time for a workout, no matter what time in the day it is... Oh those glorious brain-farting moments!

Ok back to work!

Christmas and study plans..

So happy to have finally arrived home. Being away for so long really made me realize how much I am blessed with and how much I missed home. After a few days of rest and being surrounded by my lovely family, I am going to organize a study schedule today and start my Step 1 bootcamp this weekend. Here it is. It's show time. This is going to be a real test of my determination and self discipline. It's a fresh start and a challenge. All that I claim to be is going to be proven now.

In the past 2 years I have experienced all sorts of ups and downs, covering the entire spectrum of human emotions. There were times when I felt to be on top of the world and other times when I just wanted to stop and give up all hopes. What brought through this craziness? Real friends and an amazing family. It sounds super corny, I know. But nothing can be more true than this. When you go through trouble, friendships are tested and many fail. The few that are left are the ones that you know you must treasure :)

And of course, my furry baby Miho keeps me alive always!