An Honor

Tick tock tick tock... oh time is flying by! Only two more days until I leave for Dominica. Some of my classmates have already left or gotten there. Yesterday I worked my last shift at the lodge. And I must admit - I did cry even though they were all happy tears! They threw me a surprise going-away party. It was such an honor to have so many patients/guests, volunteers, and staff I have worked with to be with me on my last day of work, to tell me how excited they are for me and how much they believe in me.

Truthfully, I was overwhelmed with all the love and care yesterday, in the most humble way possible. I arrived at work with desserts and snacks as well as a thank-you card for everyone at the lodge - I have so much to thank for! In many ways I feel that they gave me way more than what I gave them all these years. They taught me lessons that I couldn't possibly learn anywhere else. They gave me wisdom so precious that it was enlightening. And most importantly they helped me regain faith in humanity. If the thank-you had to be given one way only, it would have been from me to them without a doubt. And what is the honor I speak of? It is the rare opportunity that I was given to meet all these amazing individuals.

So, there are only 2 more sleeps before I drag my luggages out of my house. It is an exciting feeling. I will be meeting with my friend who just came back from Dominica to visit her family. I am sure our conversation is going to explode with stories and anticipation.

My kitty is looking at me right now, meowing at me wanting to play fetch. I will certainly miss him a lot. Actually I think I am missing him already...

10 More Days

My room has been quite a mess since I started packing, but the excitement is thick in the air. April seemed to have slipped by so fast that no one really saw its footsteps. And here I am with 10 more days in Vancouver with my dearest friends, family, and my baby Miho. Suddenly I feel that the gloomy rainy days here in the big city is no longer a bother!

Not too long ago I had dinner with some of the most amazing friends who have crossed my path somewhere along the journey when I least expected it. And at that moment I was reminded of how important these people are to me and me to them. I have always been an advocate of letting life take its own course - do not force anything to happen, including friendships. And throughout these 24 years life has brought me a group of wonderful friends with beautiful hearts. I am thankful.

So, onto the preparation for the trip - I finally got my stethoscope! Out of all the colours I could choose from, I had a bit of struggle between the bright orange and raspberry. But because my scrubs were in a shade of dark crimson, I eventually decided to go with the raspberry colour shown in the picture! And I think it was a good choice :) So far I have listened to the hearts of some of my co-workers, friends, my parents, and my kitty Miho! Hahaha oh the joy I felt! Miho's heart was beating so rapidly and I'd like to think that was because he was excited to see me... let's just ignore the scientific explanations behind it for once.

A friend of mine attending Ross will be returning to Vancouver for her break on Apr 22. I can't wait to see her and get all excited together. Her and I have been classmates since high school. It is kind of amazing if you ask me!

A couple of days ago I received a package from Ross University - 2 luggage tags for me to record my name and address. I know that may not sound so exciting for you but it was for me! Seeing those tags was better than seeing a birthday cake! It finally felt like I was really leaving! I don't remember the last time I got this excited and silly about something. Oh well, might as well enjoy it while it lasts! ;)

Ok, I'd better get off my butt and clean my room up a bit before my mom comes home and sees this mess!

Cowboy

Sometimes I just wish I could prepare myself for moments like this. Sometimes I wish it was not true and that I could suddenly wake up and let out a sigh of relief. But it never happens when I want it to. I came to my work early to drop off my backpack before heading to the dentist. When I returned, the nurse I work with whispered to me a sentence that tore my heart apart.

'Just so you are prepared - Bill passed away over the Easter weekend from a heart attack.'

Have you ever had a moment of complete explosion inside your head and everything just becomes cloudy with billions of question marks in a split second? Well that was my reaction. Suddenly my heart sank. And I could feel it drop to my feet.

Bill (not his real name) - a cancer patient from Prince Rupert. A real cowboy. A great singer and song writer. A gentle soul who loved to laugh and make others laugh. I still remember the first night he got his hands on a guitar. The excitement beaming from his eyes - even the bionic eye glowed with happiness. Ignoring the pain in his lower back due to the cancer, he strummed the cords and sang songs that told stories about his love for this nation and his country life. I disliked country music, until I heard Bill sing. His voice was so deep that every time he uttered a syllable it felt like bass on my eardrums. Really pleasant sounds.

He and another patient taught me how to play Cribbage. Most of you probably don't even know what the game is and neither did I. After I became a 'Crib pro', Bill and I would recruit a handful of Crib players every now and then and just have a competitive game. I still remember Bill's favourite line to me when I sat there with a handful of cards not knowing what to do - 'Take a chance, girl. Columbus did.' I truly miss hearing that.

He smoked. But he never failed to signal me every time before he stepped out the door for a cigarette and when he stepped back in. Bill had seven children, including the two who were adopted. One of them was a girl and she would call Bill every night to tell him how much she missed her 'pops' and wanted him home. Whenever Bill talked to me about his daughter I could see his eyes go red and watery. I sang songs for him, like I did for other patients as well. Being a talented musician he really enjoyed sitting by my side while I played the piano and sang for him. Just a week ago I asked him how come he hadn't played for a while and he said it was because I wouldn't sing for him anymore. He said my voice was his inspiration. But I kindly refused to sing - because work was too busy; because I thought I could always sing for him later. Maybe after the Easter break. Two days before the break we managed to sing a little. I got all the patients together and asked Bill to bring out his guitar for a little concert for everyone. He just about jumped with joy. The concert went on for 2 hours and everyone was tapping their toes to Bill's strumming of the cords. That smile that swept across his face - I will never forget. At the end of the mini show, Bill mischievously winked and asked everyone to toss toonies into his cowboy hat.

I promised him another song.I promised him another Crib game. And now these promises are heavy in my heart and weighing it down. I miss you, Bill. And I still owe you a toonie that I will never be able to pay back.

Bless your heart, Bill. Keep playing the country tunes.

the Definition of Strength

This is not the first time at work that I run into a life-changing individual, a brave soul, an inspiring story that I wish to have engraved into my wall of memories.

I met her here with her 17 year old son. I will call her Mary and her son Dave. It was close to 10pm and most patients had gone to bed as usual. Only a handful of patients were still playing Cribbage in the lounge on the first floor. Mary and I started chatting about Dave. He was diagnosed with a rare, malignant form of melanoma just 2 months ago and needed to be operated on right away. That is what brought Mary and him down in Vancouver from miles away.

What is the definition of strength for you? For me, Mary is what strength is. Two children, Dave and his sister, who is 5 years older. A couple of years ago, a horrifying car accident put Dave's sister in ICU with her life on the line. She was 21. That made me ask myself - what was I doing when I was 21? Finishing school? Spending time with friends and family? Running around complaining about the weather in Vancouver? Half of her body paralyzed and her brain struggling to put the pieces together after the trauma, no one expected her to live. However, her mind was strong and she managed to regain her consciousness and returned home eventually, yet she was no longer the girl she was. She could not care for herself and would not be able to walk ever again. And not too long after Dave was diagnosed with cancer.

Mary - a mother who loves her children the same way our mothers love us. I can not imagine the pain and despair she felt throughout the years. Despite all the stress, she has to stay strong - for herself, for her daughter, her son, and all those who care about them. All because she is needed by her children. And she can not fall.

Sometimes I don't know how much longer I can do this for. Mary said to me quietly, her tears welling up in her eyes. But I look at my children and I just can't stop loving them and can't stop fighting for them. I have to stay strong because they are my babies and they need me.

I put my hand on her knee and squeezed it gently. She let out a smile and nodded slightly. Mary is just one of the million people who are going through rough times. Yet she still has faith and she is still fighting. Then what excuses do many of us have for giving up on our goals and dreams? From working with cancer patients for years I know that strength is in every one of us.

Find it.

A World of Monkeys

Does any of you like monkeys? For some reason I have been running into images of monkeys these days more often than normal. I saw pictures of them in ads, on TV, and in magazines, and I am liking them more and more! The baby in the picture here is so adorable - those innocent round eyes and that funny hair on its head. I would seriously consider having a monkey as a pet some day... is it legal?

Anyway, I finally have everything mailed out to Ross University and now I am a bit more relaxed. The main thing on my mind right now is what to pack in my suitcases. I know I don't need to buy any text books but I will be going to Office Depot for my shopping spree! Do you agree with me if I say that school supplies are some of the most wonderful things you can get for yourself? They make it so neat and colourful these days I really can't resist. Oh don't lie, I am sure at least SOME of you feel the same way ;)

A couple of days ago I bought myself a set of scrubs. Let me tell you this - I fell in love with the uniform! Words can't even describe how much I loved wearing the scrubs. They are so comfortable, light, and casual! The Nursing shop near my work was filled with scrubs with various patterns and colours. I went in with my friend Jo and I almost felt dizzy just by looking around. There were even scrubs with Betty Boop all over. But I just got a dark purple set - going with the solids :) And that was a good choice, thanks to Jo. Soon enough I will get my stethoscope too. Hm, I wonder what colour I should get.

Ok, back to work!